There's No Magic Eight Ball for Parenting

As I see photos of excited school children on the pages of Facebook with new back packs and spiffy clothing, nostalgia kicks in as I remember my own kids at that age and relive the anxiousness all parents feel as they send them out into the world. How I wish our trusty magic Eight Ball could have assured me they would be ok or how their lives would turn out. But instead inane answers like “the future is undecided” or “ask again later” would continuously pop up, no matter how many times I would shake it.

Those school days fly by so quickly. Kids grow up, and it’s bittersweet to watch as they learn their lessons in life.  When my children were living at home I found it difficult yet doable to allow them to make their own mistakes. In the third grade I decided to teach my son the importance of doing his homework. I had observed so many parents slaving over their teen’s schoolwork in Junior High, when not turning in a paper held more dire consequences. I figured I would let him slide when he was younger to have the experience when there was not so much at stake. True to form he neglected to hand in some assignments and the results were poor grades. It was a valuable lesson and he quickly understood the necessity of keeping up with daily work, resulting in my not having to nag him to do homework later.

Allowing children to fail is pretty simple cause and effect, but how do you help them when they’re adults  and their decisions are outside your realm or the results can be life altering?  As parents we can still have a degree of influence, but ultimately it is their life and they have to steer it. I am sure I am not the only person with adult children who toss and turn at night worrying if they will be happy, find the job they want, make the right decision when the going gets tough, have enough money to pay their bills, have a healthy relationship, eat on a regular basis, etc. But in essence the only thing we can do is what I did when they were younger-let them make their own mistakes and be there as support if they fall.

Paving the way and making things easier does not teach your offspring the lessons they need to learn. No, you may not be able to directly tell them what to do or protect them from harm, but you can take peace in knowing you gave all you could and did the best job possible to make them into the people they are today-honest, loving, integral adults. And that is saying something.

If you’re an empty nester, even though you aren’t sending anyone off to the school bus this year, know that your years of patience and hard work is still having an effect on the children you raised.  And if that is not enough solace, you can always dig out and consult the Eight Ball for guidance. Receiving answers such as “it is decidedly so” and “the outlook is good” can certainly help your attitude on life and maybe even ease your worries as a parent.

Becky Arrington guides individuals and businesses to discover their purpose and live authentically. Whether you’re a company looking for innovative ways to lead and engage employees or an individual trying to prioritize, reduce stress or decide what you want to be when you grow up, learning to accept and thrive in change is key. Visit www.channelforchange.com for more information.