Years ago I lost my luggage on a business trip. Luckily it was on the way home, which made it more palatable; nothing worse than not having your make-up for a client meeting.
Normally the bag shows up, eventually, but I believe this went the way of the Unclaimed Luggage Depot in Alabama. After that episode I felt violated, angry and unsettled. In the bag there was antique jewelry that was irreplaceable and some of my favorite clothes.
For weeks I checked back at the Delta Lost Luggage desk at the airport when I flew in and out of Atlanta. The desk clerks knew me by name. Eventually I had to surrender to the fact it wasn't coming back, no matter how much I wanted it to. As a result of the experience I made some fairly significant changes in the area of allowing. I liked to control things and this was a situation I had no jurisdiction over and eventually had to accept.
This past week a dear friend of mine lost everything she owned in a fire. Fortunately she got out safely, but is now trying to pick up the pieces of what is left of her life. The first few days were spent being thankful to be alive, then the reality set in. She recently wrote to me asking how to deal with the attachment to the things that were gone; old photos, mementos, letters, etc. My thoughts went back to my insignificant luggage experience and I was embarrassed I had experienced such angst over some meager belongings in a suitcase. However it did give me a glimpse into what she was feeling, although minor in comparison. This girl's whole life was gone.
My answer was to first and foremost recognize what she had been through and give herself time to grieve. People are quick to offer advice regarding this being a "new beginning," or " be thankful you got out," all well meaning, positive responses. Yet she still has to mourn all that was lost. Giving herself time to feel the anger and sadness, not to mention the outrage of the fire is a step that cannot be skipped. There is no timetable on the stages of grief nor is there a particular order in which you experience the sentiments.
It is a process. We cannot let go of things until we have thoroughly looked at the details and felt the sensations associated with the issue. There are a lot of self-help books on the market urging people to let go of their attachments, whether those are emotions, grudges, addictions, possessions or outcomes. I agree with the need to surrender, but if you do so without carefully examining all facets and explore all the associated feelings before you let go, rest assured it will come back to you for closer review.
We all have baggage to eliminate in our lives; both emotional and physical. Recognizing what we can clear out along the way may be a step in the right direction. But I think even more important is to be grateful for what we do have in the present moment. Life can change on a dime. Seeing someone lose everything they hold dear certainly changes your perspective.
Should you wish to help my friend, I am setting up the Friend from the Fire Fund. Please contact me via e-mail to donate.
This really puts things in perspective, Becky. I think we can't help getting attached to our things especially when sentiment or hard work is involved. And when we lose things from an unexpected tragedy, like a fire, we do indeed need to allow ourselves a little grieving time so that we can come to grips with what comes next and how truly fortunate we might be.
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