Knowing When To Let Go

Knowing when to let go is a slippery slope. If you hang on too long, you run the risk of co-dependency or even meddling. If it's too soon there can be issues of abandonment or not caring. The hardest part of letting go is watching as your children learn their lessons and even experience pain. Some parents dedicate their whole lives to looking out for their kids, even the adult ones.

 But sometimes you can't protect them, only watch as they deal with life. That was put to the test this past week while I visited my daughter. In just one month's time she has lost all her anchors that defined her life, yet remains positive and open to what the universe is serving up next.

Wanting to go back to school as well as move in with her best friend, my 26 year old daughter Marley moved to a new city and felt a transfer with her job would be a sure thing, since she had been offered a position at that location six months earlier. That was not to be. A new regional VP denied the request. As with many of us, her job helped delineate who she was. Having a strong work ethic, this is the first time since high school she has been unemployed. Her mettle is being tested in keeping the energy going towards a job, while at the same time allowing it to play out as it is supposed to. A fine line, but one she is balancing on quite well.

The move, even with the job loss was more palatable because she had her faithful companion Lincoln by her side. For 15 years he had been her confessional and confidant. No matter how tough things were, he was a constant in her life. Withstanding numerous relationship heartbreaks, he was always there to come home to. But a week after moving, the beagle's health deteriorated to the point he could no longer walk. A huge decision, but knowing it was best for the dog, she had to let go and put him to sleep. The grief has been consuming and left a gigantic void .

Since moving in the first of November, her roommate who had been diagnosed with cancer, had surgery. The prognosis was positive, but there was a tremendous amount of stress surrounding the operation with lots of company and  aftercare as she was recovering at their apartment.  Marley was the nursemaid, dog walker, cook, chauffeur and Mario Brothers partner, all happening the day after her beloved Lincoln left. She gladly was there for her friend, she wouldn't have it any other way, but that was another layer on top of some fairly overwhelming circumstances to begin with. Add to that the waiting for admission into college, employment applications, interviews and a few rejection letters coupled with getting used to a new environment grief and watching her bank account religiously. Trying to stay out of fear, the girl has had a lot on her plate.

As a mom I can't take it away, merely help her realize the major shifts that have occurred and urge her to be gentle with herself. Sometimes we have to let the events and energy catch up with us, after all it's only been 30 days, yet I know it feels like a lifetime.

I am most proud of her trust, faith and ability to know it is part of the process. Time heals all and she will find peace, renewed strength, and a job. Her grief will lessen and it all will fall into place. No matter how much my motherly traits want to kick in to help, this is an individual sport and I know she will succeed. That is all we can do as parents, confident that we have given our kids the tools to deal with such intense changes, we let go and wait patiently on the sidelines - picking them up if they fall, gently setting them back on the course, no matter what their age.

Becky Arrington guides individuals and businesses to discover their purpose and live authentically. Whether you’re a company looking for innovative ways to lead and engage employees or an individual trying to prioritize, reduce stress or decide what you want to be when you grow up, learning to accept and thrive in change is key.