Should I Invite Alec Baldwin to My Pity Party?

I'm obsessed with the game "Words with Friends."  Not the Alec Baldwin kind of addiction, but enough that I frequently check back to see if it is my turn on any of the 20+ games I have going. 

Being a writer you would think I would be a whiz at coming up with unusual words. But I refuse to cheat and go to the web sites to figure out words like "qi," so I muddle through with mundane choices until the ubiquitous "u" comes through.

I noticed the other day that the word "allow"- what I frequently talk about regarding the stance we should adopt instead of trying to control things-if added to a "w" on the board would spell wallow. Don't we all have to wallow in self-pity or some other pit of despair before we can let it go and allow things to happen as they should?

Now how one wallows can vary. A popular choice is to throw yourself  a Pity Party. This is usually a solitary affair, but what one should or shouldn't do regarding dress, food and activities is simply left to the event planner. After all in the words of Leslie Gore, It's my party and I'll cry if I want to."


A repost from my friend Brooke Webb Smith:


Oh my, I'm so disappointed that my edition of 'Emily Post's Guide to Etiquette" does not cover Pity Parties. What's a girl to do? Perhaps I'll amend this edition with my own Pity Party guidelines.
For example, proper dress should be worn out sweat pants and an oversized t-shirt with holes, socks optional.
Menu selection is key to every social event and the Pity Party is no exception. However, each individual will require specialized menu selections. Proper choices range from an entire box of Girl Scout cookies to a bag of discount brand pizza rolls. It is very important that Pity Party meals be consumed either on a sofa or in one's bed.

Lighting should be dim to non-existent and entertainment should be of the lowest standards. Suggestions might be programming on Bravo, TLC or Lifetime.

Oh and once your Pity Party is over, it is highly recommended to scrub your face, shave, wash your hair, put back on your big girl heels and deal with it. Until then, light a scented candle.

Or better yet, play Words with Friends. Where else can you increase your vocabulary, improve your spelling and best of all, have 20 + of your closest friends anxiously awaiting your next move?

Becky Arrington guides individuals and businesses to discover their purpose and live authentically. Whether you’re a company looking for innovative ways to lead and engage employees or an individual trying to prioritize, reduce stress or decide what you want to be when you grow up, learning to accept and thrive in change is key.

Dear Reader,
  I love feedback and welcome yours. This site can be a bit particular when adding comments on my blog, please use these easy instructions to post yours. Thanks, Becky

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"Off With Their Heads" and Other Leadership Techniques

Throughout history we've witnessed maniacal leaders who ruled with obsessive power.  Ranging from Hitler requiring complete adoration and a blind faith following to Genghis Khan and others who autocratically reigned without mercy.

Remember the Queen of Hearts in Alice in Wonderland whose every command was "off with their heads.?" A rather brutal response as opposed to  searching for workable solutions, not to mention anything resembling common sense.

Understanding the power of authority and learning how to use it is not training many of us have had. Many professionals  lead with a "me" instead of "we" mentality, often keeping subordinates busy with long "to do" lists of meaningless activities while keeping an obsessive sharp watch on all details. This not only applies to an office environment, but can leak over into relationships and parenting.

Many of us have been in places of leadership where projects, successes and outcomes depended on our controlling things along the way. Or so we thought. Holding tightly to the reins gave the one in charge a false sense of security. Instead of dictating orders  with one person controlling the movement; collectively stating the desired results, setting up the conditions for positive outcomes, defining boundaries, enlisting others and allowing the process to flow, has a higher chance for success than the constant  micro-managing many feel they have to do in order to guarantee victory.

In order to let go of the control, you have to trust. Sometimes we hold on so tightly because fear steps in preventing us from letting things take a natural course. The Law of Attraction states  any energy you give something  will attract more of the same. If a project is surrounded by fear and control, negative energy laced with those qualities will be present throughout the process. However if it is cloaked in positive, trusting feelings encircled by the vision of success, that is what you will get.

Emerging leaders know that to ensure achievements:  proper conditions have to be created, events and details need to be framed positively with clear parameters and then you can step back and let the magic  happen. Allowing everyone to have input and share in the outcome promotes pride and ownership in every project.   

Strong leadership requires no power tripping authority figure and no one has to lose their head, figuratively or literally. Cooler heads prevail as leaders adopt a more holistic approach and rely on the wisdom within each person, including themselves.

Becky Arrington guides individuals and businesses to discover their purpose and live authentically. Whether you’re a company looking for innovative ways to lead and engage employees or an individual trying to prioritize, reduce stress or decide what you want to be when you grow up, learning to accept and thrive in change is key.




Dear Reader,
 I love feedback and welcome yours. This site can be a bit particular when adding comments on my blog, please use these easy instructions to post yours.

•  Click on the small word "comments" at the bottom of my post
•  Post your comments, you may sign or not sign, your choice
•  Select profile "Anonymous"
•  Click "Publish"
•  Complete the security question, then click "Publish" again

Of course if you have a Google account and want to publish via that, you are welcome to.
Thanks, Becky

Love the One You're With…You!

In the wise words of world famous drag queen and relationship extraordinaire Ru Paul, “If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna' love somebody else?”

Good point, yet many of us continue to look to the other person for happiness in relationship after relationship, followed with a great deal of confused head scratching afterwards when things don’t work. 
Maybe it's time to stop looking for love in all the wrong places- outside of yourself -and go within.

Not the love advice most want to hear on Valentine's Day when some of us are either home alone or in a situation where you might as well be solo. 
My advice is to ditch the dreaded, over-hyped holiday media  geared towards couples. Who says you can't have a fabulous time focusing on yourself? It's all in the way you frame it.Either be half empty and lament the fact you haven't met the love of your life, or be half full and delighted you live with the best person in the world-you. 


Become your own best friend. In the end that is who we're left with anyway, right? Even if you're in a relationship, it will only get better as you learn the true art of nurturing.

One of the ways you can love yourself is to discover new areas and interests. Isn't that what is intriguing when you meet someone new?  Julie Cameron's book "The Artist's Way" suggested making an artist's date with yourself each week . I looked forwards to researching and planning unusual things to see and do. It was fun to explore and enjoy these dates, even though I was alone. A major part of the process was to experience the sensations and uniqueness of each locale as I focused on "being" instead of "doing." Plus I was  more interesting when I did meet other people after having  expanded my horizons.

There are other ways to nurture such as a pampered day at the spa, a much needed vacation, relaxing with a soothing cup of tea or glass of wine as you relax. The list goes on and once you get the hang of it, loving yourself will be the most fun thing you've ever experienced. The advantages are; there is nobody to disappoint, you can always change your mind and you get to do exactly what you want. Who doesn't want that in a relationship?

So take Ru's advice, figure out how to love yourself, then you'll be able to love somebody else.  After all, you learned from the best, YOU!

Treat yourself this Valentine's Day and love the one you're with. It will be the longest, most successful relationship you've ever had.

Becky Arrington guides individuals and businesses to discover their purpose and live authentically. Whether you’re a company looking for innovative ways to lead and engage employees or an individual trying to prioritize, reduce stress or decide what you want to be when you grow up, learning to accept and thrive in change is key.




Dear Reader,
 I love feedback and welcome yours. This site can be a bit particular when adding comments on my blog, please use these easy instructions to post yours.

•  Click on the small word "comments" at the bottom of my post
•  Post your comments, you may sign or not sign, your choice
•  Select profile "Anonymous"
•  Click "Publish"
•  Complete the security question, then click "Publish" again

Of course if you have a Google account and want to publish via that, you are welcome to.
Thanks, Becky

Workplace Tug-of-War

To many managers,conflict resolution may seem like refereeing kids on a playground as they're forced to deal with what may seem like insignificant, petty squabbles.  But if you are one of the employees embroiled in a workplace tug-of-war, it is anything but child's play.

Conflict zaps the energy out of the office, affecting attitudes, relationships and production. Organizations are going through rapid changes, which causes stress. As companies downsize and economize, clear job descriptions can become blurred as employees are asked to take on additional tasks, often causing confusion and disagreements among workers.  Nobody is sure which part of the sandbox is theirs anymore.

Under the right conditions, many issues can be solved without the need for a formalized process. People can and do work things out themselves. Bigger and more important issues arise, minimizing the focus on the quarrel. A common task can be found and while working on the project, the clash disappears. However there are also situations that benefit from a conflict resolution meeting.

Mediation and negotiation can be useful methods to solve disputes by working  towards an agreement or a compromise. But with those approaches, the conflict itself often  remains just  under the surface waiting to erupt again later. It's not unusual for an argument to rear its head weeks or months later; cloaked in different circumstances, but the same underlying problem still remains unresolved.

Cross Cultural Conflict Resolution is a practical, holistic meeting process for working through differences. This technique used in the Genuine Contact Program establishes a common ground for all participants to work from, a base line. This is achieved by agreeing on ways in which all parties are similar or may be experiencing some of the same situations.  An example might be the commonality that everyone is having to work overtime during the first quarter sales push.

 Individual conferences are held  to give each person  an opportunity to discuss their grievances and allows the consultant to work with the employee's fixed perspective, helping them to move beyond their own view. Participants also determine what  they would be willing to change and what is non-negotiable. An example could be that the employee agrees to work overtime, but will not work on the weekend. These consultations help ensure everyone is in a more receptive state and ready to listen to each other when the group convenes.

This meeting style creates an environment for true communication. Much of the work was done with each of the individuals as they discussed the problem and determined their role, as well as setting personal boundaries regarding the disagreement. Jointly, participants then progress to creative problem solving to reach resolution. Once all parties concur,  a contract agreement is signed that include contingency plans.

My colleague Birgitt Williams, founder of Genuine Contact Organization at Dalar International has written a series of articles that further explore Conflict Resolution that support the process described in this blog.

We all want to play nicely together . No one likes conflict, but after going through this unique approach managers and employees will understand the dynamics involved, possibly avoiding tension filled situations in the future or leading to them solving their own disputes on or off the playground.

Becky Arrington guides individuals and businesses to discover their purpose and live authentically. Whether you’re a company looking for innovative ways to lead and engage employees or an individual trying to prioritize, reduce stress or decide what you want to be when you grow up, learning to accept and thrive in change is key.