Letting Go of the Baggage

Years ago I lost my luggage on a business trip. Luckily it was on the way home, which made it more palatable; nothing worse than not having your make-up for a client meeting.

Normally the bag shows up, eventually, but I believe this went the way of the Unclaimed Luggage Depot in Alabama. After that episode I felt violated, angry and unsettled. In the bag there was antique jewelry that was irreplaceable and some of my favorite clothes.

For weeks I checked back at the Delta Lost Luggage desk at the airport when I flew in and out of Atlanta. The desk clerks knew me by name. Eventually I had to surrender to the fact it wasn't coming back, no matter how much I wanted it to. As a result of the experience I made some fairly significant changes in the area of allowing. I liked to control things and this was a situation I had no jurisdiction over and eventually had to accept.  

This past week a dear friend of mine lost everything she owned in a fire. Fortunately she got out safely, but is now trying to pick up the pieces of what is left of her life. The first few days were spent being thankful to be alive, then the reality set in. She recently wrote to me asking how to deal with the attachment to the things that were gone; old photos, mementos, letters, etc.  My thoughts went back to my insignificant luggage experience and I was embarrassed I had experienced such angst over some meager belongings in a suitcase. However  it did give me a glimpse into what she was feeling, although minor in comparison. This girl's whole life was gone.

My answer was to first and foremost recognize what she had been through and give herself time to grieve. People are quick to offer advice regarding this being a "new beginning," or " be thankful you got out," all well meaning, positive responses. Yet she still has to mourn all that was lost.  Giving herself time to feel the anger and sadness, not to mention the outrage of the fire is a step that cannot be skipped. There is no timetable on the stages of grief nor is there a particular order in which you experience the sentiments.

It is a process. We cannot let go of things until we have thoroughly looked at the details and felt the sensations associated with the issue. There are a lot of self-help books on the market urging people to let go of their attachments, whether those are emotions, grudges, addictions, possessions or outcomes. I agree with the need to surrender, but if you do so without carefully examining all facets and explore all the associated feelings  before you let  go, rest assured it will come back to you for closer review.

We all have baggage to eliminate in our lives; both emotional and physical. Recognizing what we can clear out along the way may be a step in the right direction. But I think even more important is to be grateful for what we do have in the present moment. Life can change on a dime. Seeing someone lose everything they hold dear certainly changes your perspective.

Should you wish to help my friend, I am setting up the Friend from the Fire Fund. Please contact me via    e-mail to donate.

Becky Arrington guides individuals and businesses to discover their purpose and live authentically. Whether you’re a company looking for innovative ways to lead and engage employees or an individual trying to prioritize, reduce stress or decide what you want to be when you grow up, learning to accept and thrive in change is key.

Romance v.s. ROI

Although Elvis may have left the building, disconnecting from the rest of the job when you come home is not an easy task.

The boundaries between office and home life are continually blurred, magnified by the fact we are constantly  connected both personally and professionally.

Which can make relationships interesting.

As a couple my spouse and I struggle meshing our professional lives with our personal one.

There's nothing more romantic than reading e-mail in bed or receiving a text asking me to dinner. But I also find meaningless corporate buzz words and phrases peppering our conversations. Sometimes we forget to turn off the office brain and it bleeds over to our daily lives.

 Here are a few examples:

We were discussing the neighbor's band practicing late at night and determined we might be able to reach out  and negotiate with them to see if they would  retool  their schedule.

Translation: The neighbor's band practices late, it's annoying, so we should ask them to stop earlier.

My husband was leaving to run errands and said as he was out the door, "I am going to the store, but will circle back and touch base with you before I go anywhere else."

Translation: "I'm going to the store, I'll come back before I go anywhere else."

In an effort to be totally connected on all levels of our lives, yes I live with a techie, he suggested we synch up our electronics, then wanted me to ping him to make sure we were interfaced properly. Needless to say, our technology is cutting edge .

Translation: There is none, it is what it is!

Taking out the trash is a topic of discussion in our house and I was asking my husband for the umpteenth time to please take it out. His answer to me was, "I believe you're over-rotating on this issue."

 At the end of the day I could have answered by talking about how there seems to be a disconnect, we're lacking synergy in our relationship. We're both stakeholders and this is a value add  activity for the household and is necessary in maintaining our bottom line.                  


But plain speaking is needed, sometimes you just have to be direct. 
 I used the simple Nike tagline, "Just Do It!"

Becky Arrington guides individuals and businesses to discover their purpose and live authentically. Whether you’re a company looking for innovative ways to lead and engage employees or an individual trying to prioritize, reduce stress or decide what you want to be when you grow up, learning to accept and thrive in change is key.


                           Discover the Passion, Power & Purpose Within

No Genies Needed

Wouldn't it be great if getting your wish was as easy as rubbing a magic lamp?  Or at the very least conferring with the genie to help you maneuver the world of requesting what you want? This manifesting is a slippery slope, with a fine line between asking and then  knowing when to get out of the way.

It starts with the set up. It's not enough to simply state the desired outcome, you must first give it some definition. Let's take several statements from the realm of employment seeking as an example. See how changing the wording can ensure better results.

1) I'd like a new job.

This is too open, you might end up working the midnight shift in a fast food restaurant, which is not quite what you had in mind.

2) I'd like a new job making lots of money.

This may result in a lucrative vocation, but it could be doing a job you're not happy about. Money doesn't equal happiness.

3) I'd like a new job, making lots of money, doing something I enjoy.

Much better, but it could also result in the employment being out of town, a far commute or a difficult work schedule, even though the money is good and you enjoy it.

4)I'd like a new job, making lots of money, doing something I love, with good working hours and conditions, close to home.

Notice the final wording was specific, yet expansive. It didn't list the company, salary, location or the job, it just outlined the parameters, and they were flexible enough for many opportunities to fit the request.

Keeping  constraints of a wish open ended and concentrating on the bigger picture as opposed to the details, allows it to unfold. Sometimes we are so specific in what we want and how it happens, we limit the possibilities that could occur, thus canceling out other options.

Once the desire is stated, events are in motion. The next trick is to let it happen. That doesn't mean just sit back and wait for it to unfold, there is a certain amount of work you have to do. In this case that would be sending inquiry letters, applications, resumes and going on interviews. Staying out of the way is not being obsessed with the details. Stop worrying whether every letter you send will be "the one" or waiting for the phone to ring. This is the stage where you begin to allow the process to ensue, in its own time.

By stating what you want, you've given your request to the powers that be. You're following up doing the work necessary for the opportunities to come in, now allow it to play out as it is supposed to. This is when we try to control-usually fueled by fear-with our preconceived ideas on "how" it should come to fruition .

Believe it or not, the universe may have a different plan and it may be much better than we ever imagined.  By trusting and allowing, we get out of the way and let the magic happen. Naturally and with no genies required.

The Great Divide

Historically, every era experiences tension between generations. The angst of idealistic youngsters butting heads with their prehistoric elders, each adamant in their beliefs has been chronicled  through the birth of rock n' roll, the "make love, not war"  hippie days, to more current debates over the role electronics and social media play in kids' lives.

In the past these divisions have usually been between parents and their children. By the time those offspring joined the working mainstream, they quickly adapted to Industrial Age mentality where everyone in the office had the same ideals, rules and work ethics. Not so today as we see three distinct generations in the workforce, each with their unique approach to business and motivations.

Baby Boomers (born between 1946-1964):  Extremely hardworking and motivated by position, perks and prestige, Boomers are defined by long work hours and professional accomplishments. Since they sacrificed a great deal to get ahead in their career, this workaholic generation believes Generation X and Generation Y should pay their dues and conform to a culture of overwork. They often criticize the other generations for a lack of work ethic and commitment to the workplace. They believe "face time" at the office is necessary and may not understand the other generations for working remotely. Most high level executives fall in this age group.

Generation X (born between 1965-1980): Ambitious and hardworking Gen Xers also value work/life balance. After witnessing the burnout or layoff of their hardworking parents, Generation X entered the workplace with a different work ethic and culture than previous generations, placing a premium on family time. With an entrepreneurial spirit , they thrive on diversity, challenge, responsibility and creative input.

Generation Y(born between 1981-1999):. Gen Ys  rewrite the rules, enjoy a pleasurable lifestyle and don't see the relevance of most institutions. They are masters of technology and social media; were nurtured by their parents and are used to frequent reinforcement. A collaborative, supportive work environment and interactive work relationships are desired. As a whole they have high demands and expectations and want to work for companies that are socially responsible. As excellent multi-taskers, they prefer communications through e-mail and text messaging over face-to-face interaction. This generation seeks out creative challenges, personal growth and meaningful careers. Supervisors and mentors who are highly engaged in their personal development is necessary.

To bridge this divide, it will require more than Baby Boomer senior leaders taking on the role of the critical parent, forcing the petulant Gen X middle child and the wayward Gen Y youngster to adhere to their rules and regulations. Communication, understanding differences and motivation as well as innovative techniques is necessary to succeed.  There is a propensity for the Baby Boomers to declare, "my way or the highway," but they run a huge risk of alienating and potentially losing good workers in the X and Y categories with this attitude.

Generation X dislikes rigid work requirements. They value the freedom to set their own hours. Flexible work schedules and work-from-home options may help to retain and motivate this generation. A hands-off attitude often works best when supervising, mentoring or working with them. Gen X members value freedom and autonomy to achieve desired goals and often prefer to work alone rather than in teams. They dislike “meetings about meetings” and don’t want face time.

Authoritarian leadership styles don't work well with Gen Y members,  because they've grown up being able to question their parents. Generation Y, unlike Baby Boomers, is interested in making their jobs accommodate their family and personal lives. They have an extremely high value on self-fulfillment; they don't expect to stay in a job for long, seeing career change as normal.

Understanding these nuances while being nimble and creative is key in keeping and growing top employees.  Recognizing and respecting the knowledge of the staff in an organization is a powerful tool. Whole Person Process Facilitation targets individual learning styles, personality traits and facets for motivation. Utilizing the mental, emotional, spiritual and physical attributes of people brings a deeper level of communication and openness, gaining clarity about themselves as well as others. Mentoring and group activities also help create a culture of inclusiveness. With Gen X and Gen Y, money is not the primary motivator; it is feeling they are valued within the organization.

Becky Arrington and the Genuine Contact Program assists leaders tap into the collective wisdom of their organization. Through holistic leadership techniques and unique meeting facilitation processes, personnel will recognize their similarities and differences, better understanding the generations and closing the gap.

Becky Arrington guides individuals and businesses to discover their purpose and live authentically. Whether you’re a company looking for innovative ways to lead and engage employees or an individual trying to prioritize, reduce stress or decide what you want to be when you grow up, learning to accept and thrive in change is key.

New Year's Resolution Rehab

 New Year's resolutions are as predictable as bowl games and hangovers. With each new year comes  a well intentioned list of things to change, begin or end.  A chance to turn over a new leaf, start a fresh chapter, and get your  life back in balance. But just as predictably, most of them eventually go by the wayside. Therefore, in  2012 I am launching New Year's Resolution Rehab; a way to put you on the road to recovery from resolution regrets.

Step I: Replace resolutions with reality.

Resolutions normally deal with actions you are not doing or want to change, calling attention to things that are currently not in your realm.  Through the Law of Attraction, we have learned that if you put energy towards something you don't have, it remains far from your grasp. A way to fool the universe is to "act as if" you have already achieved it and then give thanks for it being in your possession.  I realize this can be a bit of a stretch but it is based on the Alcoholics Anonymous saying, "Fake it 'til you make it." If you act as if you're already accomplishing the resolution and simply have gratitude for your achievement, before you know it…it will become a reality.

Step II: Old habits die hard, so trick them.

It takes a while to integrate any new program. Your body, mind and soul will still be craving that list of resolutions on January 1st. Alas, be strong. It is only a mild withdrawal  and can be managed by again outsmarting your psyche. It is looking for a written page, so give it one. But instead of putting the things you don't have in your life, simply inventory what you do, a gratitude list. And one of the best things you can do for yourself in 2012 is to keep that file growing daily as you begin to appreciate the many gifts that are in your life.

Step III: One day at a time.

It takes 21 days to reinforce new behavior. If you fall off the wagon so to speak and return to some old ways of thinking or acting, don't beat yourself up. Recognize the action or thought, try to determine what triggered it and plan ways to avoid doing it in the future.  This could mean staying away from certain influences (people, places or things) that prompt you to go back to your old ways. And even if you slip up, recognizing it is the first step.

Step IV: Recovery

 If you're not going to list your shortfalls anymore and instead will be grateful for all the wonderful things you've accomplished, I believe your life will take a turn for the better. By looking through new filters, ones of thankfulness and appreciation instead of scarcity and judgment, the process will become easier and the outcome guaranteed.

 Release yourself from the self-inflicted critic previously experienced through failing to follow through after all those previous New Year's.  . .no more remorse in 2012, give Resolution Rehab a try.

Becky Arrington guides individuals and businesses to discover their purpose and live authentically. Whether you’re a company looking for innovative ways to lead and engage employees or an individual trying to prioritize, reduce stress or decide what you want to be when you grow up, learning to accept and thrive in change is key.