Stressed is Desserts Spelled Backwards

I'm an emotional eater. My weight chart looks like the New York Stock Exchange as stress points in my life are reflected in the scales. Other people find solace in shopping, smoking, sex or drugs to channel their frustrations, mine is food.

My theory is there's a glitch in my brain that signals a feeling of safety and protection when I carry the extra pounds.  It's padding to cushion me from feeling vulnerable and numbs the pain. I know it doesn't make sense because the added weight actually makes me more exposed to health concerns, not to mention scorn from others. But like all sorts of malfunctions, they aren't always logical.

I believe I can trace the roots back to the 50s when I was little and my mother and grandmother would shove a cupcake in my face to make me feel better. This reinforcement of food equaling comfort, or more often, love, set me up like Pavlov's dog.

Several months ago I had the opportunity to attend the Louise Hay "I Can Do It" conference where I heard Marianne Williamson speak about her book "A Course in Weight Loss." How could this rail thin woman know the first thing about struggling with fat? But when she shared she too had dealt with weight issues and worked in tandem with Oprah to develop the concepts, I bought the book.

Marianne's principles were different than other approaches I had tried over my life-long journey with yo-yoing. She does not focus on diet and exercise as the cause of the excess weight, but says the cause is FEAR, which is a place in your mind where love is blocked.  According to Williamson, "When you are acting out of an addiction or compulsion, you are disconnected from the memory of who you are as God created you. These are patterns of self-sabotage that emerged from trauma, something that probably happened at a very young age, leaving you bereft and feeling unloved. And the absence of love produces fear. In the moment when you couldn't feel love, you felt fear instead. Yet fear came posing as your friend, offering up food as a substitute for love."

Intellectually understanding your body, the physiology of exercise, or the realities of food metabolism mean little if you are addicted. Obviously some wires in the brain got twisted(I knew there was a disconnect)and the purpose of this course is to untangle them. The most heartening thing I read said, "The fact that you yourself have anything figured out makes little or no difference to any of this. No matter how smart you are, or how much 'work you've done on yourself,' you alone cannot outsmart the psychic force of compulsion and addiction. If you could, you would have done so by now. For this problem, entrenched and pernicious as it is, you need spiritual forces to help you. For this, you need God."

I'll keep you posted as I take this journey consisting of "21 Lessons for Surrendering Your Weight Forever" which sounds a bit like a late night info-mercial. This is different-it's not  a quick fix.  I've tried those gimmicks and gained back twice the weight I lost, numerous times.

This approaches the psyche and the spirit and calls on something greater than our own will to help. Lord knows turning to Twinkies hasn't worked, so it's worth a shot.

Hopefully after I've completed the course and replaced the fear with love, stressed may still spell desserts backwards, but it won't be where I turn for comfort.

Anyone else struggling with this same issue? If you'd be interested in doing an online book study and support group, contact me.

Becky Arrington guides individuals and businesses to discover their purpose and live authentically. Whether you’re a company looking for innovative ways to lead and engage employees or an individual trying to prioritize, reduce stress or decide what you want to be when you grow up, learning to accept and thrive in change is key.