A Balanced Life...or Just Spinning More Plates?

Are you a multi-tasking, hard driving, overachiever? Do you internalize problems, continually mulling over different scenarios in your head? Are you always available and an instant communicator? Is your life balanced or are you just adding more to your plate? And keeping all those platters in the air can be exhausting.

 At a recent presentation for the NAPW-National Association of Professional Women North Atlanta Chapter, I listed the following tips to reduce stress.

Prioritize-Determine what is most and least important

Ask for Help-You're not Superwoman

Put Yourself First-If you won't, nobody will

Don't Worry-Be happy     

Your Thoughts Create-So create magic!

Allow Things to Flow-You can't control it all

Prioritize: It can be overwhelming when you’re keeping so many projects and activities afloat. Develop a list ranking the most important items in your life to the least significant. This not only helps you get organized, it will assist you in determining whether or not an activity is even worth keeping.

Ask for Help: Independent, do-it-all people hate to ask for help. There are co-workers, friends and family who are ready and willing to take some of the burden, if you would just let them. Most of the time we don’t ask others because we want to keep control. It’s time to relinquish the reins and let someone else do some of the work. There is also a host of unseen guides, angels and teachers waiting on the other side, but they cannot interfere unless they are asked. Merely meditating and calling for their guidance is enough to receive some of their divine assistance.

Put Yourself First: Emergency protocol on an airplane calls for an adult to administer the oxygen mask to themselves before the child. The same rules apply in life. If you don’t take care of yourself, nobody else will.

Don’t Worry Be Happy: Naïve, sophomoric, simplistic…perhaps. But it is also a good mantra to live by. All the worry and stress you spend on a problem, does nothing to solve it. It’s wasted energy. If you can trust that the issue will be decided in the best possible manner for everyone’s highest good and let it go, you’ll have less stress and answers will come easier.

Your Thoughts Create-So Create Magic! The Law of Attraction brings experiences to us that we talk and think about. The Secret is a perfect example of this. To de-stress, begin developing affirmations to put your ideas working in a positive way.

Allow Things to Flow: Anytime there is resistance, there is a stoppage or blockage. The term dis-ease is when energy such as thoughts or emotions get stuck in the body. Adapting a process such as meditation, walking in nature or some other relaxing activity will allow issues to roll off of you instead of internalizing them.

I speak from experience. As a former executive, stress was my motivator, it helped push me to the next pinnacle. But getting to the top with depleted energy, poor health and anxiety off the charts is not a winning combination. Adapting a balanced, tension-free lifestyle creates greater successes, is more fun and a lot easier to manage than keeping the plates from falling to the ground.

Becky Arrington guides individuals and businesses to discover their purpose and live authentically. Whether you’re a company looking for innovative ways to lead and engage employees or an individual trying to prioritize, reduce stress or decide what you want to be when you grow up, learning to accept and thrive in change is key.

The Evil Stepsisters-Assumption and Expectation

Although Anastasia and Drizella were Cinderella's nemesis, mine are named Assumption and Expectation.

Assumption got her name from the fact she's not a great conversationalist and thinks people can read her mind. The colorful story of how you spell "assumption" is when one makes an ass out of u and me, which is what happens as a result of not talking, everybody loses.

Expectation is usually anxious, excited and filled with anticipation. When she keeps these thoughts to herself,  a great deal of her time is spent being disappointed. Contrary to what she may believe, her ideas and wishes are not magically transmitted.

The antithesis to both is interaction and sharing ideas. If you clearly state what you want, others are aware of your desires and have the  ability to agree or disagree. Much better than pacing the floor wondering whether or not the other person "got it." In the assumption arena, if everything is outlined and discussed, nobody drops the ball.

Do these sisters ever visit you, perhaps in relationships? Cinderella was saved by the prince and escaped the wrath of her evil stepsisters.  But unless you can find and welcome their cousin Communication into the mix, missed signals, hurt feelings, disappointment and lack of connections may continue to plague your life.

Becky Arrington guides individuals and businesses to discover their purpose and live authentically. Whether you’re a company looking for innovative ways to lead and engage employees or an individual trying to prioritize, reduce stress or decide what you want to be when you grow up, learning to accept and thrive in change is key. Check out our web site Channel for Change.

Stressed is Desserts Spelled Backwards

I'm an emotional eater. My weight chart looks like the New York Stock Exchange as stress points in my life are reflected in the scales. Other people find solace in shopping, smoking, sex or drugs to channel their frustrations, mine is food.

My theory is there's a glitch in my brain that signals a feeling of safety and protection when I carry the extra pounds.  It's padding to cushion me from feeling vulnerable and numbs the pain. I know it doesn't make sense because the added weight actually makes me more exposed to health concerns, not to mention scorn from others. But like all sorts of malfunctions, they aren't always logical.

I believe I can trace the roots back to the 50s when I was little and my mother and grandmother would shove a cupcake in my face to make me feel better. This reinforcement of food equaling comfort, or more often, love, set me up like Pavlov's dog.

Several months ago I had the opportunity to attend the Louise Hay "I Can Do It" conference where I heard Marianne Williamson speak about her book "A Course in Weight Loss." How could this rail thin woman know the first thing about struggling with fat? But when she shared she too had dealt with weight issues and worked in tandem with Oprah to develop the concepts, I bought the book.

Marianne's principles were different than other approaches I had tried over my life-long journey with yo-yoing. She does not focus on diet and exercise as the cause of the excess weight, but says the cause is FEAR, which is a place in your mind where love is blocked.  According to Williamson, "When you are acting out of an addiction or compulsion, you are disconnected from the memory of who you are as God created you. These are patterns of self-sabotage that emerged from trauma, something that probably happened at a very young age, leaving you bereft and feeling unloved. And the absence of love produces fear. In the moment when you couldn't feel love, you felt fear instead. Yet fear came posing as your friend, offering up food as a substitute for love."

Intellectually understanding your body, the physiology of exercise, or the realities of food metabolism mean little if you are addicted. Obviously some wires in the brain got twisted(I knew there was a disconnect)and the purpose of this course is to untangle them. The most heartening thing I read said, "The fact that you yourself have anything figured out makes little or no difference to any of this. No matter how smart you are, or how much 'work you've done on yourself,' you alone cannot outsmart the psychic force of compulsion and addiction. If you could, you would have done so by now. For this problem, entrenched and pernicious as it is, you need spiritual forces to help you. For this, you need God."

I'll keep you posted as I take this journey consisting of "21 Lessons for Surrendering Your Weight Forever" which sounds a bit like a late night info-mercial. This is different-it's not  a quick fix.  I've tried those gimmicks and gained back twice the weight I lost, numerous times.

This approaches the psyche and the spirit and calls on something greater than our own will to help. Lord knows turning to Twinkies hasn't worked, so it's worth a shot.

Hopefully after I've completed the course and replaced the fear with love, stressed may still spell desserts backwards, but it won't be where I turn for comfort.

Anyone else struggling with this same issue? If you'd be interested in doing an online book study and support group, contact me.

Becky Arrington guides individuals and businesses to discover their purpose and live authentically. Whether you’re a company looking for innovative ways to lead and engage employees or an individual trying to prioritize, reduce stress or decide what you want to be when you grow up, learning to accept and thrive in change is key.

Ripping the Band-Aid Off

Sooner or later, you have to rip the bandage off and expose what lies beneath. You can do it in a quick jerk, enduring the pain quickly or opt for the slow pick-away-at-the-edges approach. Either way the end result is the same, you have to tend to the wound.

Weekly I write about thriving in change and how to pick up the pieces and mend the broken parts when life throws you a curve. Yet when I was blindsided last week with a broken condo lease, my own advice fell on deaf ears. Fear immediately came through with the itty bitty shitty committee in my head bombarding me with; "Foreclosure." "Bankruptcy."  " You'll never find another renter." " You won't be able to sell it." "Upside down mortgage." "You'll run out of money." "You should never have trusted them."

Not to mention the onslaught of emotion I felt about the company. After a promotion they insisted I live in that location, then fired me several years later when the economy tanked. So once again I was disappointed. They had their own struggles and had been purchased, with the new organization not willing to pay for an expensive corporate condo. Business is business and these things happen, but the fact that I still had unresolved feelings surrounding the past,  made it impossible to maintain a professional mindset.

When I left three years ago, I packed up my clothes and got out of Dodge, leaving a beautifully furnished condo in my wake. With a soft real estate market and an aversion to facing the situation, I hoped a solution would come through. Fortunately  I rented to my former employer the entire time. I never had to worrying about late rent checks, had trustworthy tenants and knew if there were any issues the company would be responsible. I had peace of mind for a long time and financially came out even. Not something a lot of landlords can say, especially in this economy.

This reflection helped me express gratitude, which quieted the voices. Once fear is tamed, you can think more clearly and start to formulate a plan. In a day's time I was able to seek professional advice and get a true picture of the situation, instead of the distorted view my "committee" was presenting. Talking with lawyers, accountants, mortgage professionals, real estate investors and agents gave me facts . Information is power and I now know my options. 

In the emotional arena, I reconnected with my old boss, putting to rest some of my anger and resentment I'd been holding on to for three years. That's not to say it's all resolved, but finally selling the condo and closing that chapter of my life is an important final step in moving forward.

When dealing with scrapes and bruises in your world, there are choices in how you process them. In my case I hadn't wanted to face the past, so I used the band-aid to safely cover it up. But someone else came along and ripped it off, forcing me to look at the wound.  It is now time to uncover the boo boo, clean it out and let it heal.  Are there any band-aids in your life? 

Becky Arrington guides individuals and businesses to discover their purpose and live authentically. Whether you’re a company looking for innovative ways to lead and engage employees or an individual trying to prioritize, reduce stress or decide what you want to be when you grow up, learning to accept and thrive in change is key.

"Gonna' sit right down and write myself a letter"

Inner Child Healing Part 4

All the answers we need are within us; the trick is to figure out how to find them. As we mature we push aside valued parts of ourselves such as the inner child, the rebellious teenager or our higher self, further obscuring the messages. In the blog "Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are" a visualization recalled our childhood home where we found a younger self hiding. Through dialogue and trust, the adult was able to retrieve our child, integrating them to become whole and healed, no longer separated.

Our society teaches "normal" adults to rely on rational thinking and dismiss their feeling or intuitive sides. Only when we acknowledge  these vulnerable aspects of ourselves can we truly be complete and make decisions based on both logic and emotion. Since all the solutions we need are inside us, it makes sense to tap into this incredible inner wisdom.  But how?

Try writing a letter to yourself asking questions in regular script, then answering them using the hand you don’t normally use in penmanship. It's a way to access parts that may have splintered or have been ignored for years. If you write with your right hand, your non-dominant hand is the left, and vice versa. Your dominant hand is connected to your conscious, thinking side, and the other is linked to your insightful, emotional side.

The process of this type of letter writing is a powerful addition on the journey of healing the inner child or is ideal for seeking inner wisdom from your higher self. Attempting to write with the hand you rarely use, automatically puts you in a child-like position as it is difficult to hold the pen correctly and the letters are barely legible. This makes you feel exposed, which is the state you need to be for this exercise.

The process is potent in childhood healing, because the penmanship resembles a child's scrawl. Another way it works is by giving your conscious mind something concrete to focus on, which frees up the subconscious mind to start remembering and receiving information from your higher self or inner child.

The reason why therapists use this technique so frequently, is because it taps into both the deeply-buried feelings as well as the higher wisdom we choose to disregard when we strive to be thinking, rational adults.

This exercise is an effective first step in reintegrating long-forgotten parts of yourself back into the whole. But don't stop after all your selves have come home, you can always continue writing love letters to yourself. By tapping into your higher self,  the wisdom will be amazing.

Becky Arrington guides individuals and businesses to discover their purpose and live authentically. Whether you’re a company looking for innovative ways to lead and engage employees or an individual trying to prioritize, reduce stress or decide what you want to be when you grow up, learning to accept and thrive in change is key.