Come Out, Come Out... Wherever You Are

Part 3 Inner Child Healing

No matter what type of childhood you experienced, there's bound to be some traumatic incidents lodged in your sub-conscious. Why not leave them alone? After all it happened a long time ago, it's over. The problem with unresolved issues staying unresolved, is they become stuck in the body and cause  dis-ease. They also  crop up in a myriad of places like dysfunctional relationships, ineffective parenting, addictions, etc. Therefore it is important to make peace with the past and heal it.

In previous weeks the blog "When Your Inner Child Calls…Answer" explored how situations from the past, although not major for an adult, have a profound effect on a child and carry forth into adulthood. The experiences were filtered through a young person's psyche and  tinted by the  limited understanding they had of the world at the time. Seemingly insignificant events can have long lasting implications when viewed through the eyes of a child.

With "Exploring Your ChildhoodStories" we looked at photographs of our life while growing up. Studying the environment, age of our parents and other circumstances of our childhood helped us understand the problems inherent in our family. Looking at our parents' past and what they brought to the table in terms of dysfunction and their own unresolved childhood issues provided another layer of clues as to what influenced our development.

A powerful exercise is to meet your child, if you can find them. It's not unusual  to have to search  for your inner child, because the experiences caused them to be scared and hide. The process involves visualizing your home where you grew up and introducing yourself to the child. The following prompts will help you to notice the details to make the experience stronger and more realistic.

Exercise: Take several deep breaths and ask your angels, guides, God or higher power to put you in touch with your inner child to facilitate a merging and healing. Imagine yourself on the street where you grew up. Notice as you walk down the sidewalk or road, what does the ground look like? Do you see a gravel or dirt road or a paved street with sidewalks and well tended lawns? Continue walking until you get to your house. Stop and look at the structure. Notice the color and material it is made from. Is it wood, bricks or stone? Is there a front porch? Are there flowers by the walkway or just dusty brown dirt? As you move towards the door, notice the material it is made from. Is it metal  or wood? Is it a screen door or solid panels? Open the door and step inside. Notice the smells as you enter. Glance into the house to see if you see toys scattered around. Begin to call your child's name to see if they will come and greet you. If you are met with silence, begin thinking of the hiding places in the house you might have found when that age. Secret hideaways  like the front hall closet, under the beds, beneath the stairs, in the bedroom closets or in the attic. Did you check their  room or outdoors in the backyard? As you search, continue to call their name and begin talking, assuring them that you are there just to say hello.

When you find your child, and yes you will eventually, ask if you may hug them. As you hold your child, begin talking in a soothing manner. Saying something such as, "I am here for you, I love you. I am here to protect and love you. You are safe now. I am you when you're grown up and look at me, I turned out ok. Please trust me to love you and take care of you." Eventually the child will begin to warm to you and in some cases may talk back. The purpose of this exercise is to reunite with your child and merge the two parts of yourself. With practice and some repeated visits, the child will trust you and come right away, without coaxing.

In time there will no longer be a need for these connections, for the two of you will become one, totally integrated. The goal in your going back and finding your child was to retrieve the part of yourself that had been hurt and left behind. Our reconnecting with ourselves allows the inner part of us to feel safe  because the adult self is the strong protector. Everybody wins and in the process, significant healing occurs.

The final installment of  "Inner Child Healing" explores other integrative techniques. And in the meantime, be gentle with yourself. This is intense work, so allow yourself lots of time for processing.

Becky Arrington guides individuals and businesses to discover their purpose and live authentically. Whether you’re a company looking for innovative ways to lead and engage employees or an individual trying to prioritize, reduce stress or decide what you want to be when you grow up, learning to accept and thrive in change is key.