Monday, February 13, 2012

Love the One You're With…You!

In the wise words of world famous drag queen and relationship extraordinaire Ru Paul, “If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna' love somebody else?”
Good point, yet many of us continue to look to the other person for happiness in relationship after relationship, followed with a great deal of confused head scratching afterwards when things don’t work. 
Maybe it's time to stop looking for love in all the wrong places- outside of yourself -and go within.
Not the love advice most want to hear on Valentine's Day when some of us are either home alone or in a situation where you might as well be solo. 
My advice is to ditch the dreaded, over-hyped holiday media  geared towards couples. Who says you can't have a fabulous time focusing on yourself? It's all in the way you frame it.Either be half empty and lament the fact you haven't met the love of your life, or be half full and delighted you live with the best person in the world-you. 

Become your own best friend. In the end that is who we're left with anyway, right? Even if you're in a relationship, it will only get better as you learn the true art of nurturing.
One of the ways you can love yourself is to discover new areas and interests. Isn't that what is intriguing when you meet someone new?  Julie Cameron's book "The Artist's Way" suggested making an artist's date with yourself each week . I looked forwards to researching and planning unusual things to see and do. It was fun to explore and enjoy these dates, even though I was alone. A major part of the process was to experience the sensations and uniqueness of each locale as I focused on "being" instead of "doing." Plus I was  more interesting when I did meet other people after having  expanded my horizons.
There are other ways to nurture such as a pampered day at the spa, a much needed vacation, relaxing with a soothing cup of tea or glass of wine as you relax. The list goes on and once you get the hang of it, loving yourself will be the most fun thing you've ever experienced. The advantages are; there is nobody to disappoint, you can always change your mind and you get to do exactly what you want. Who doesn't want that in a relationship?
So take Ru's advice, figure out how to love yourself, then you'll be able to love somebody else.  After all, you learned from the best, YOU!
Treat yourself this Valentine's Day and love the one you're with. It will be the longest, most successful relationship you've ever had.

Becky Arrington guides individuals and businesses to discover their purpose and live authentically. Whether you’re a company looking for innovative ways to lead and engage employees or an individual trying to prioritize, reduce stress or decide what you want to be when you grow up, learning to accept and thrive in change is key.

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  1. This is very truw- until this year I have dreaded valentines day- seeing everyone get flowers and such- but then I too decided that I was worthy of something- didn't buy myself candy but treated myself to a massage and took time out for me.
    That year I learned that it didn't matter if I was part of the hype of valentines day I still celebrated by loving myself.

    1. I wrote a similar blog around Christmas about being bombarded with the retailers' concept of what the holiday should be. We forget how mass consumed we are. Glad you learned that very valuable lesson and I believe you've since seen it carry through in all your relationships when you nurtured yourself. Thanks for the comments!

  2. I FINALLY learned this before I found my life partner. The years prior were not easy. I took it a step further after I gained my own self love / worth and tried to make someone elses valentine day special as well. By doing something for someone else or even making a donation to an organization I felt that I had celebrated the day in my own special way. Thanks for your wonderful thoughts!!!

    1. Loved the idea of giving to others even when you are feeling unloved yourself. That's the whole concept, the more you give the more you get. Glad you found your love of your life and hope the two of you have a fabulous Valentine's Day! Becky